Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
