Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
