Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
