I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
