Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
