Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
