so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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