Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
