I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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