He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
