We won't sleep together?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
