i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
