i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
