Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
