Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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