I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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