I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
