Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
