Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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