he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
