She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
