I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
