the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
