He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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