but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
