My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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