guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
