She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
