I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
