You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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