No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
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