Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
