I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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