it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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