my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Someone shattered a urinal.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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