Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
