So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
