I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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