Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
