turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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