You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
