i think my tv is drunk
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
