sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
