dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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