oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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