you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
