If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
