Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
