I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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