The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
