it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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