bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
