i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
