This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
