She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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